matthew

So many times I have tried to please God with my life and plan. I make effort to remain holy, pure and perfect. I lay out rules of dos and don’ts of staying holy. My plans of self-discipline seem perfect, and I seem to please God with my ‘perfect’ holy life. I even perceive God atimes smiling and saying “This is my beloveth son in whom I’m well pleased”
Just when I had thought all was well and perfect, then the unexpected showed up….

“I just can’t believe it was me! How could I have done that….. how could I have been thinking about such immoral act; I can’t believe I just lied. That simply can’t have been the “holy me”
……. and the guilt of my failings enveloped me.

I felt so distant from God, I can’t approach him, and oh I perceived him raging with madness at me. I just knew He couldn’t forgive me because I was in my right senses when I was failing him, I wasn’t forced to lie. I wasn’t on gun-point when I took the decision to defile myself with sinful thoughts and actions. I did them all because it was pleasing to my flesh and my emotion is the driving master who will never say no or stop while enjoying the act.

Then, while in my self-defeat, out of nowhere comes a still voice saying “I am not mad at you, am only not pleased with what you’re doing with who you are”. Oh! That must be God!…..That statement came as a double edged sword in my spirit. First, of condemnation of not seeing my worth and value in God’s lenses to have settled for such act; and a second edge of hope that the righteous God is still interested in a “self-righteous sinful me”.

So now I know I’m not of value to God only when I abide by the 10 commandments, and even the 11th, or when I go down the stretch yielding to the dictates of my flesh. My value isn’t in my perfection or works of righteousness, but perfected in the Blood purchased Grace. The more I humble myself, drop my self-righteousness, then I can take up His Grace – a substitution of weakness for His strength. This is not strength to boast to sin saying “I can never fall to you”, but Grace to accept my inadequacies and receive His strength to stand when temptation shows forth (1Cor 10:13). That is true Maturity!