In our daily walk, God has promised and given us the Holy Spirit to guide us in all our endeavours. The Holy Spirit, who is with us as Christians, is in the form of our conscience and your conscience could be sharp if you have a good relationship with the Holy Spirit. This relationship, like every other, is built through daily communication or prayer. You can also kill your conscience if you’re completely oblivious and do not engage with it at all.

I realised I had a sharp conscience as far back as senior high school when I would have loved to have as much fun as my classmates during entertainment shows but no, this conscience would prevent me from doing that. Be it a musical or dance show where people will ‘chill’ to the core, I was always an observer.

I admired those who were in relationships at that age and I wanted such a thing for myself but no, my conscience would not permit me to. When those entertainment shows were happening, I always found myself far away from where the action was. My conscience prevented me from exploring in that regard.

This followed me all the way from SHS to the period we stayed at our home prior to going to the University. During that time, I found myself in very compromising situations that would have changed my life forever. I relate some of these experiences to naivety and the eagerness to be adventurous. I accepted certain proposals and invitations but after a meeting or two with these people, my conscience would eat me up so bad that I either broke off those friendships or relationships and never made my way to those places again. It was the same in the university – there was an invisible force that protected and kept me in check. I had a reputation for breaking a few hearts back then. When I look back, I can tell that it was the hand of God.

I am not saying I am the purest of all souls but I believe my conscience guides me (a lot). Recently, I found myself talking about people behind their backs (gossip). I say things, which may sound like a joke, but in my heart, I knew they were mean utterances. This happens when I am in the company of my very good friends. For some reason during the latter part of last week, I started having vivid pictures of the people hearing me when I speak about them. How would I feel if they actually heard me say those things about them? Would I be bold enough to say them if they were in front of me? Do I want to be known for something as negative as being a gossip?

These questions ate me up so bad that I started having palpitations. It was almost as if the people I have spoken about have heard what I have been saying. My heart would beat so fast that I started asking God to forgive me and I have promised myself that I won’t speak about people in that manner anymore. I want to have positive relationships with everyone even if I know some of them may not be reciprocated. I want to be far away from gossip spaces. Practically, I am limiting myself from the environment that make me gossip about people and I have shared this with my accountability partner who will keep me in check.

I am grateful for the insight I got into this negative behaviour in these last few days and I am trusting God for more ways to become a better person in this new year. There are a lot of things I want to be known for but being a gossip is definitely not one of them.